Monday, October 21, 2013


Florence, Ala - Following Auburn's 45-41 win over Texas A&M, a giant head attacked the shallow end of the pool at the Marriott Hotel & Conference Center. 

The attacker, Brian J. Stultz, was taken to the local hospital via ambulance where a CT scan was performed and results came back that, despite evidence, the patient did have a brain. 

A total of 12 staples were inserted in Mr. Stultz's head and he was then released to the danger of the general public. 

The victim said, "I was just minding my own business when all of a sudden I see this massive object flying toward me.  I am a little dented but will be okay as soon as they clean all of the blood out."

When reached for comment, Mr. Stultz said that even though he is in pain, he would gladly take 50 staples in the head if it meant a win over Alabama. 

"What a win!" Stultz said as they led him to the CT scan. 

The doctors were worried about the state of Stultz's mental health when he listed both Charles Rooker and John Barry as his emergency contacts. 

"All in all, he is lucky to not be paralyzed or even dead," the doctor said as Stultz continued to ramble on about his deep love for Gus Malzahn.  

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